First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
