I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
