My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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