if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Randomize
