Will you blow on my dice?
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
