Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
