my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Randomize
