Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
