Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
My vagina is officially offended.
My dick has a subreddit
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
