every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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