U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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