So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
