remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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