I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
