I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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