He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Randomize
