Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
he puts the penis in happiness.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
