not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
