maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
