i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
