last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
