Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
