Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
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