I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
