its not stalking. its research.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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