I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
