i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
