woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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