I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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