I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
My Sexting was not on an AP level
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
