I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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