Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
