im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
