how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Randomize
