I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Randomize
