Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
