Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
