Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
