she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
