ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Randomize
