so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
