I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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