MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
