we made out on top of his cat.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Randomize
