Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
