its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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