No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
