You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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