I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
