tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
